Helping Our Loved Ones Struggling with Self-Harm
As mentioned in our previous article, when life throws a lot at us, things can get really overwhelming. It’s crucial to recognise that sometimes those we care about may be silently battling their own emotional struggles, including the challenging and sensitive issue of self-harm. Understanding the signs of self-harm and how to help a loved one coping with self-harm can feel overwhelming but significant in helping them with their journey toward healing and recovery.
What is self-harm?
Self-harm is when someone intentionally hurts themselves to cope with emotional pain, stress, or distress. It can involve cutting, burning, or other forms of self-injury. While not always linked to suicide, it increases the risk of serious mental health issues. Signs include unexplained injuries, covering up with long clothing, withdrawal, or mood changes. Parents, teachers, and counselors can help by fostering a safe, supportive environment. If you or someone you know is struggling, seeking support from a trusted adult or professional can make a difference.
The signs of self-harm:
🩸 Unexplained Injuries
Keep an eye out for unexplained cuts, bruises, burns, or scars, particularly in areas that are easy to hide, such as the thighs, wrists, or stomach.
👚 Wearing Inappropriate Clothing
Wearing long sleeves or pants in warm weather to cover up marks or injuries could be a sign that someone is trying to conceal self-inflicted wounds.
🧍 Isolation and Withdrawal
A sudden change in social behaviour—such as withdrawing from friends and family or avoiding social situations can be a sign that something is wrong.
☝️ Frequent Accidents or Excuses
Often, those who self-harm might come up with frequent excuses or explanations for their injuries, such as blaming accidents or clumsiness.
🔪 Keeping Sharp Objects
Having an unusual collection of sharp objects like knives, razors, or needles in their belongings could indicate a readiness to harm themselves.
Why do people self-harm?
Self-harm, often misunderstood, is a complex coping mechanism for individuals facing overwhelming emotions. It is not a mental illness but a symptom of deeper struggles, such as stress, anxiety, or depression. Many who engage in self-harm do so to relieve emotional pain, regain a sense of control, or express feelings they cannot put into words.
Causes of self-harm may include:
- Emotional Distress: Struggling to cope with intense emotions, like sadness, anger, or frustration.
- Mental Health Disorders: Conditions such as depression, anxiety, or borderline personality disorder can increase the risk of self-harm.
- Trauma or Abuse: Experiencing physical, emotional, or sexual abuse can lead to self-harming behaviors as a way to cope.
- Academic or Social Pressure: High levels of stress in teenagers due to school, exams, or peer relationships.
- Social Isolation: Feeling disconnected or unsupported by family, friends, or community.
- Low Self-Esteem: Struggling with self-worth or body image issues.
- Influence of Social Media: Exposure to triggering content online or unrealistic standards of perfection.
How to help someone who is self harming?
If you suspect that you or someone you know is engaging in self-harm, it’s crucial to seek help and support. Here’s what you can do:
- 🤝 Encourage Seeking Help: Suggest seeking professional help from a counsellor, therapist, or trusted adult. Some may feel that it is easier to talk to someone outside of the immediate circle. We can start by normalising help-seeking!
- ❤️ Offer Support: Be there for them, offering support and understanding. Sometimes, just having someone to talk to can make a significant difference.
Self-harm is a complex issue, and recovery is possible with the right support and resources. It is crucial to emphasise the power of empathy, understanding, and proactive support. By educating ourselves about the signs of self-harm, we contribute to creating a culture of open communication, compassion, and support.
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Xin Xuan Wong
Youth Counsellor/Behaviour Therapist
About the author Xin Xuan:
Xin Xuan is a professional counsellor and behaviour therapist specialising in evidence-based modalities such as cognitive behavioural therapy, acceptance & commitment therapy, motivational interviewing, applied behaviour analysis therapy, play therapy, and more.
